We had our parent conferences at school yesterday. After the conferences, I have to sadly admit that I had one of those days where I started to doubt whether my husband and I (but mostly I) are just completely delusional when it comes to our boys, the older one in particular.
Buzz’s conference was first and that went really well with a few surprises. They think he is a lovely addition to the program, avery popular kid (”we have kids ask where he is when he is absent from school”), a very deep thinker and then, this was the surprising bit, a cautious kid (!!!) who observes before he jumps into anything. When he jumps into, “he is a joy to behold because he is so into everything he does”. I think we are so used to unconsciously comparing Buzz to Woody that he felt bold and adventurous to us but perhaps not so to the teachers! It was a lovely conference and they had Buzz pegged very accurately. I continue to really like the teachers and the program.
Then we went on to Woody’s class. At first nothing she said really surprised us. Academically ahead of grade in many subjects, gifted musician, dreamer who doesn’t finish the work on time on occasions, socially awkward, likes to hang out with 1-2 friends and doesn’t really interact with other kids beyond this. We had heard this before and were working on the social skills. We have seen huge improvements just this past year and suspect that this will continue to improve. He will always be an introvert but hopefully more comfortable in his skin than he currently is.
But then she said two things that initially got me quite upset. The first was a question she posed to us and I am trying to recall it verbatim. “Why are you pushing him on Math when he is already way ahead of grade on this subject?”. Two implications here that really upset me: (1) that we were pushing him in any way. This is a kid that asks to practice piano everyday and asks for EPGY on weekends. There are days when I will forget and he will remind me. This is a kid that thrives on self-imposed schedules and sticks to them. I am so opposed to pushing him to do anything academic because I was raised in school systems that really pushed a very rigid academic curriculum oftentimes to the detriment of some bright kids! (2) The second thing that upset me even more was the implication that somehow being at grade level should be the aspiration. Shouldn’t the aspiration be to make the child love learning, to challenge the child and to make him/her curious enough to keep at asking questions and finding answers. If that happens at grade level, great! If that happens at a higher grade, then equally great! Are my husband and I living in a completely different world with different expections and hopes?
As if that were not enough, she then pulled out a Math sheet that Woody had worked on. On it was the simplest of simple word problems (what Woody calls Baby Math). He had answered it correctly and then right below that had listed a number of other ways in which you could get to the same answer of 10. As an aside, this is something he loves to do. He absolutely loves figuring out different ways in which you can arrive at the same answer using addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. She pointed that out to us and said the following: ”this has nothing to do with the word problem and I am worried that he doesn’t really understand the concept of multiplications and division, there is no reason for him to use them here”. Both of us looked at her and I initially thought she was joking. This is where DH jumped in (thankfully because I was quite literally speechless) and explained that this is something he loves to do. All he was trying to do was to find different ways to get to 10. Yes it had nothing to do with the exact word problem but in his mind, he had solved the problem already and now was moving on to stuff that floated his boat. When we told her this, she suddenly got it but I cannot believe that it took us going on at length about this for her to get it.
I was quite upset yesterday and I interrupted my mom (who is away on a little trip on her birthday weekend!) to vent about this. She set me straight and as did my mother-in-law and via her, my sister-in-law who is a teacher. DH (ever the rational one) asked me to take a deep breath and then to think calmly about next steps. Now, more than ever, Woody needs us to completely believe in him and his abilities.
So here I am on Saturday and I have been up since 3:15am. And I have not quite calmed down but am calm enough to write this post. I am going to enjoy Halloween with the kids. We have already carved pumpkins, baked and eaten almost an entire loaf of pumpkin bread. Woody and Buzz will go trick or treating later this evening and likely end the evening on a sugar high!
Tomorrow, I will take another deep breath, and think about this some more.
Aah, so it finally happens. I was feeling very happy for you about your school choices because you always seemed to find them and the teachers wonderful for the boys. I feel for you because it seems so frustratingly inevitable that some people will just not get it that learning is so much more than answering questions according to what’s required on a sheet and not what more can be done because a child just loves giving more. What W did amply demonstrated you have been doing a great job giving him opportunities to love math and appreciate numbers and their relationships for their own sake. And someone had to come and in all pedagogical itchiness (for want of a better expression, sorry) put a pin in that balloon of blossoming love.
Some people will just insist on this Amita. As crazy as it is and as upsetting as it must be for you, this is probably not going to be the last time.
Email me if you’d like a ear to vent on ok? I completely understand.
Hugs!!
And oh Happy Halloween! Nothing like sugar to clear (or clog!) the mind.
I wanted to respond sooner, but . . . I home school.
I am so sorry that you had to deal with this. All I can say is that you know these children better than anyone else. You made them, and you’ve been with them from day 1. You know inside what makes them tick and what is best for them. The teacher’s own comments really tell you much weight they should receive.
I hope you’ve found a response that has given you some peace of mind since you last posted.